To Be Loved As To Love
By Amy Biddle 21 Comments
Ernie Larson, author of "Stage II Recovery" and other works, uses a wonderful metaphor for relationships. If you picture yourself as a telephone pole, he says, and the other person as a telephone pole, you can see your relationship as the line strung between you. You can't hold up both ends by yourself.
I tell you that, because I want to tell you this: There's a lot of wonderful relationship advice to be found in spiritual writings and teachings. But if you try to use it on another person, hoping against hope that s/he will pick up the other end of the telephone line, it won't work.
If you are trying to relate to someone who hits you, cheats on you, ignores you until they want sex, or otherwise uses you in any way, then you are not in a relationship with that person. This relationship advice article does not apply to the two of you. What you have is a trauma bond, and I trust you to seek professional help, if that's what it takes, to extricate yourself.
For those connections with others that can honestly be called relationships, I have gathered some powerful relationship advice in my years of study and practice in conscious spiritual living.
The first thing to know is that there is unlimited love for you in this universe. You'll receive it as soon as you're willing to, and as soon as you quit dictating where you think it should come from and how it should be delivered. Be present to your life, and you'll see love showing up in the most unexpected places.
The second principle of relationship advice is that a relationship cannot be a closed system of two. If it is, it won't be a relationship for long. There needs to be space in any relationship for other friends, family, as well as room for Spirit to work in you and your loved one. Your primary relationship must be with your own concept of Spirit. All other relationships will fall into place.
The last thing I want to offer you will improve your communication skills. It's a copy of the Peace Prayer of St. Francis. No one really knows who wrote it, but this centuries old poem is packed with relationship advice.
Make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born into eternal life.
Practice the principles of this prayer in all of your relationships, and you'll find that your life full of the kind of relationships you really want.